I grew up a skinny kid, always active in sports, riding bikes, running around. I could eat anything I wanted and still remain skinny. I was teased often by how thin and sickly I looked at times. When I met my (ex)husband I went on birth control – Depo Prevera – and gained over 100lbs in a year. I was desperately working out and trying to eat better, to no avail. I went off the medication but by then the damage had already been done. I lost all hope and resigned to being big.
My greatest struggle was my emotions. I was depressed which made me eat more, which made me gain weight and become more depressed. I lost hope and belief that I was worthy of anything or anyone. I stopped believing that I could ever be thinner. I would go through stages where I was motivated – would try a new program or diet – but would ultimately quit and gain more.
I think I held myself back mostly with my self-doubt. I began having back problems and shortness of breath which made exercising even more difficult. Also, I am an extremely picky eater – so often the diet plans would be for healthy food that I did not like. I had tried aerobics, step aerobics, swimming, T25 BeachBody videos, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, hypnosis, Atkins diet, South Beach diet, basic counting calories/fats, and many others.
After having the LapBand for about 10 years, I was tired of dealing with the constant food “getting stuck” pain or throwing up. My weight was getting higher and higher and I saw myself getting close to my pre-LapBand weight. I was yo-yoing up and down, really trying to exercise and eat better, but could never get below 200lbs.
During a trip to Jamaica I was denied the ability to scuba dive because my blood pressure was too high – 3 days in a row they told me no. So I cried, ate and drank while others were out having fun. Within a couple of weeks of getting home I noticed the “stuck” pain and the throwing up was getting worse. It got to a point where I couldn’t keep down water and I was afraid that I had a slipped band or something worse. So, I looked up PSSC – who is now Eviva – and made an appointment.
I was hurting, dehydrated from not being able to keep food or water down, extremely worried that something was wrong with the band or my stomach and I was depressed, feeling like I was a failure. I hadn’t gone in to PSSC (Eviva) for close to 10 years to properly care for my LapBand.I feared what could be wrong. I was introduced to Dr. Stewart who was so kind and caring. He went over my options and explained everything very thoroughly. I chose to have the LapBand removed and have the VSG done.
Eviva (PSSC) has always taken good care of me. They listened, never judged, and provided options that I never knew existed. They offered support when I never received it in the past. I was never made to feel like a failure and in fact with the Eviva team I finally felt that I could be successful.
On February 28, 2018 I had my Sleeve performed. I was told in pre-op how much time to expect off of work, what my aftercare would be like, and they made sure I had someone to help me at home. When staying overnight at Eviva, the nurses were attentive and helpful getting me to walk, administering pain meds, and keeping me company.
My appointments over the next few weeks and months were great. Dr Stewart and my nutritionist were more than just medical professionals, they were my support – physically and emotionally – as I worked towards recovery. My heaviest before my LapBand was 254 lbs (5’ 3/4”) and had a BMI of 42.3. the lowest I was with LapBand was 201. My pre-op weight before the VSG was 234.4 with a BMI of 39.0.
I currently am at 170lbs (BMI of 28.3) which is down 84lbs from my heaviest but my lowest was 146 (BMI of 24.3!!) which is down 108lbs at the time of my skin removal surgery. My goal is to get down to 135lbs. I recently had some medical issues (not related to wls) and used the stress as an excuse to eat badly and put on some pounds. I could have easily been back up over 200lbs.
You have to remember that the Sleeve is a tool and you still have to work for your health. This is a lifelong journey and it will have ups and downs. I am still learning how to use my tool, and train myself to eat for fuel – not emotions. These past few months have been a huge test and although I put on some weight, my Sleeve has kept me on track overall.
Medically – I am no longer considered morbidly obese. I do not have sleep apnea anymore, nor do I have to take high blood pressure medication. My back pain from a degenerated disk is almost gone. Physically – I look skinny and have a ‘healthy glow’ (according to friends). I can wear clothes that “don’t hide” my belly and can actually buy for fashion. Mentally – I have energy and actually want to be active.
The best part is that I love myself for the first time in over 25 years. I’m more uplifting not just to myself but to those around me. I’m happy to be alive. I want to share with everyone – not to make them feel they must take this path, but to instill belief that no matter what they choose, they are worth the effort it takes.
I would say to the others considering weight loss surgery to not be scared. You are not a failure for considering this option. You will be well taken care of, loved, and encouraged. But more than that – you have the power within yourself to be successful! Believe in yourself – You are worthy. Be strong and continue for your health and your life. There will be ups and downs – it isn’t easy physically or mentally – but the journey is the reward! Love yourself along the way and you’ll realize that it really isn’t all about the weight – its about finding yourself again. Your life is so wonderful, and YOU DESERVE IT!
